Need Help Navigating Grief During the Holidays?
The holidays can be a time of reflection, celebration, and fun, but they can also be a time of loss. The death of a loved one is never easy, but when it happens during the holiday season it can seem even more difficult to handle.
While I think about my parents every day, since I lost them, the holiday season can be difficult if I don’t really tap into the things that can make the season a bit smoother for me. Over the years, I’ve found ways to handle the holiday season without them, thanks to God’s grace and strength.
Allowing yourself time to grieve is normal.
It’s a natural reaction to loss, and you’re not crazy for feeling this way. You might feel sad, angry, numb or like you’re going crazy. It’s hard not to wonder what happened if your loved one died suddenly or young of an illness—or at all!
It’s also easy to feel isolated in your grief because other people may not understand how you feel, or they are afraid of saying the wrong thing around you. Even if they do know how to help you through it, they may still be unsure what their role should be during such a difficult time (and some will offer support in ways that can actually make things worse).
Talk about your loved one.
Talking about your loved one with other people in your life like friends or family – or even strangers who you happen to have a random conversation with. Maybe that stranger you bump into at the grocery store or Target, brings up something about a particular loved one in their life and it makes you think about yours. It helps you to process, remember and honor the life of your loved one. You can also talk about your loved one with anyone who shares similar values as you do.
Look for ways to give back to the community.
Volunteer at a local shelter.
Volunteer at a food bank.
Help out with a community event.
Volunteer with your church.
Donate to a charity.
Get Creative
Create a scrapbook of memories that includes pictures and notes from friends and family members. You could also make a book about their life, with photos and notes written by people who knew them well.
Write a poem or story about your loved one’s life, then share it as you wish to. If this seems too sad for you right now, don’t worry—you can always save it until you’re ready.
You can also cook or bake a dish that you enjoyed with your loved one during this time of the year. In 2021, I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner. The food consisted of everything I enjoyed from my mom’s kitchen on Thanksgiving Day. I also like to make certain desserts like banana pudding that I loved my mom to make.
Find a way to simplify your holiday season this year.
This is a time of year when many people feel more pressure to overbook themselves. It’s also when you may be tempted to try to do every holiday tradition that you did last year, even if it means being away from home or working on Christmas day. It’s important not to feel guilty about taking time for yourself, whether that means taking an afternoon off or spending Christmas Eve on the couch instead of doing all the “holiday” things. And for goodness sake, don’t be pressured into buying tons of gifts. Rest in be still in God’s word. Reflect on His word.
Oftentimes, I love to listen to worship music and hymns that I enjoyed singing with my parents. One of my favorite memories from my dad – at any time of the year was waking up on the weekends to hear him singing hymns while making breakfast.
You’re not alone if the holiday season brings up difficult emotions for you; grief is an individual process that everyone experiences differently. For many people, the holidays are a time when they feel particularly vulnerable because they feel pressure to act happy and festive around other people who don’t know what they’re going through inside. It’s okay if this year’s holiday festivities don’t go exactly as planned—in fact, sometimes it’s better if they don’t!
The point is to honor yourself by taking care of yourself during this difficult time so that when January rolls around again (and beyond), you’ll be ready to start fresh.
I hope this post has given you some ideas for surviving the holiday season as a person who has lost someone they love. The most important thing is to remember that there is no one “right” way to handle grief; everyone deals with it differently.
